Christmas Jokes

Christmas Jokes

 

Where does Santa hide his gift to Mrs. Claus.     The Clauset of course!

Why does Santa have three gardens?     He likes to "Hoe, hoe, hoe!".

What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?   Crisp Kringle.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?     Claus-Trophobic.

Why does Santa go down the chimney?      Because it soots him !

 

Who delivers Christmas presents at the Haunted Opera House?   Phantom Claus !

 

How many chimneys does Santa go down ?      Stacks and stacks!

Why does Santa use reindeer to pull his sleigh and not pigs? 
      Because when Pigs fly everything that wasn't supposed to happen...does.

When Santa is on the beach what do the elfs call him?  Sandy Claus

What do you call Santa's-father's-sister?  Auntie Claus

What do you call Santa's annual barn dance?  A Ho, Ho, Ho Down!

What does Santa write on his Christmas cards?
ABCDEFGHIJK_ MNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (No-L , No-L) !

What did Mary Poppins ask from Santa for Christmas? SuperClausiFragilisticExpialliSnowshoes...

 

Why does Santa love donuts?  Because they have "Hole, Hole, Holes!"


 

Christmas Triva

Did you know that

In 2004, the German post office gave away 20 million scented stickers for free to make Christmas cards smell like a fir Christmas tree, cinnamon, gingerbread, or a honey-wax candle.

A surge in Christmas cards came in the 1940s, courtesy of World War II. Friends and family, far away fighting, received cards with patriotic messages and symbols, like Uncle Sam.

Many organizations produce special Christmas cards as a fundraising tool. The most famous of these enterprises is probably the UNICEF Christmas card program, launched in 1949.

An average household in America will mail out 28 Christmas cards each year and see 28 cards arrive in their place.

 

Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer

The Chicago-based Montgomery Ward company, department store operators, had been purchasing and distributing children's coloring books as Christmas gifts for their customers for several years. In 1939, Montgomery Ward tapped one of their own employees to create a book for them, thus saving money. 34-year old copywriter Robert L. May wrote the story of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer in 1939, and 2.4 million copies were handed out that year. Despite the wartime paper shortage, over 6 million copies had been distributed by 1946.

May drew in part on the story "The Ugly Duckling" and in part from his own experiences as an often taunted, small, frail youth to create the story of the misfit reindeer. Though Rollo and Reginald were considered, May settled on Rudolph as his reindeer's name.

Writing in verse as a series of rhyming couplets, May tested the story as he went along on his 4-year old daughter Barbara, who loved the story

Sadly, Robert Mays wife died around the time he was creating Rudolph, leaving Mays deeply in debt due to medical bills. However, he was able to persuade Sewell Avery, Montgomery Ward's corporate president, to turn the copyright over to him in January 1947, thus ensuring May's financial security.

May's story "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" was printed commercially in 1947 and in 1948 a nine-minute cartoon of the story was shown in theaters. When May's brother-in-law, songwriter Johnny Marks, wrote the lyrics and melody for the song "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", the Rudolph phenomenon was born. Turned down by many musical artists afraid to contend with the legend of Santa Claus, the song was recorded by Gene Autry in 1949 at the urging of Autry's wife. The song sold two million copies that year, going on to become one of the best-selling songs of all time, second only to Bing Crosby's "White Christmas". The 1964 television special about Rudolph, narrated by Burl Ives, remains a holiday favorite to this day and Rudolph himself has become a much-loved Christmas icon.


Christmas Quotations

1.       "The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other." 
~ Burton Hillis

 

2.       "If there is no joyous way to give a festive gift, give love away." 
~ Unknown 

 

3.       "I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year." 
~ Charles Dickens 

 

4.       "The magi, as you know, were wise men - wonderfully wise men who brought gifts to the Babe in the manger. They 
invented the art of giving Christmas presents." 
~ O. Henry 

 

5.       "Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas."
~ Dale Evans Rogers

 

6.       "Christmas gift suggestions:     To your enemy, forgiveness.  To an opponent, tolerance.  To a friend, your heart.   To a customer, service. 
To all, charity.  To every child, a good example.  To yourself, respect."
~ Oren Arnold

 

7.       "Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful."
~ Norman Vincent Peale

 

8.       "Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love."
~ Hamilton Wright Mabi

 

9.       "I have always thought of Christmas as a good time; a kind, forgiving, generous, pleasant time; a time when men and women seem to open their hearts freely, and so I say, God bless Christmas!"
~ Charles Dickens

 

10.     "Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas."
Calvin Coolidge

 

11.     "Love came down at Christmas; love all lovely, love divine; love was born at Christmas, stars and angels gave the sign."
~ Christina G. Rossetti

 

12.     "Where charity stands watching and faith holds wide the door the dark night wakes - the glory breaks, Christmas comes once more."
-- Phillips Brooks

 

13.     "Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home! "
--Charles Dickens

 

14.     "The only real blind person at Christmas-time is he who has not Christmas in his heart."
Helen Keller

 

15.     "Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind; Teach us to be patient and always to be kind."
-- Helen Steiner Rice

 

16.     "There is no name so sweet on earth, no name so sweet in heaven, The name, before His wondrous birth, to Christ the Savior given."
-- George W. Bethune

 

17.     "Christmas is a season for kindling the fire for hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart."
Washington Irving

 

18.     "Like snowflakes, my Christmas memories gather and dance - each beautiful, unique and too soon gone."
-- Deborah Whipp

 

19.     "It is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself"
Charles Dickens

 

20.     A Christmas candle is a lovely thing; It makes no noise at all, But softly gives itself away; While quite unselfish, it grows small.
-- Eva K. Logue

 

21.     "May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through!"
-- Unknown

 

22.     Christmas carolers sing about peace on earth, but they don’t tell us where.
Unknown

 

23.     It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.
- W. T. Ellis

 

24.     I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month.
- Harlan Miller

 

25.     "The mystery of the Holy Night, which historically happened two thousand years ago, must be lived as a spiritual event in the ‘today’ of the Liturgy," the Pope clarified. "The Word who found a dwelling in Mary’s womb comes to knock on the heart of every person with singular intensity this Christmas."
Pope John Paul II

 

26.     At Christmas I no more desire a rose Than wish a snow in May's new-fangled shows, But like of each thing that in season grows.
William Shakespeare.